Terrible Tanning Tale of Woe

I am cursed with the gingery pale gene which means that, like a vampire, I merely need to see the sun before burning to a red sizzley crisp.

Not only is it extremely bad for your skin to sit and allow yourself to look like you've been placed in the toaster on full blast all day, it is even more unattractive, and so thus lies my problem.

How do I navigate myself from pale English rose (questionable), to bronzed goddess? (Even more questionable...)

I've tried most sun creams with a similar effect... Too much time in the sun, with or without high SPF protection more often than not results in the above mentioned toaster effect.

I'm blaming it on the illusion of choice: summer need only poke it's head round the corner before aisles of boots are stocked full of yellow brown white and orange packaging... And by aisles I really mean a good half of the shop. Bottles with carrot extract in, or aloe Vera, extra tanning enhancer or all day water resistant, who really gives a monkeys ?!

Why is the packaging always brown or orange? Why isn't it just red to simply and plainly point out that that, whichever you chose, lobster red is undoubtably the colour you will turn instead of sailing me down the river with the false hope and promise that I'll be hideously brown as soon as my skin comes into contact with the magic liquid.

At the end of the day, if you're going to tan you'll tan without the help of carrots or enhancers, and if you're not, you'll look more like a tomato than a carrot come the end of the day, plagued with the thought of being stupid enough to think a carrot enhancer would help, just because the bottle was orange.

Every year I make the same mistake. I take solace in the fact that "this year will be different because I have a new suntan lotion", and then proceed to act surprised when I inevitably take my bikini off from my first day in the sun, only to find that the outline is imprinted onto me, with my boobs and bum both shining in the mirror back at me like beacons... I can almost hear them laughing "we told you so" back in my growing progressively crimson face.

From now on I intend to accept the pale and sun hating body that God has blessed me with and stick to my factor 50 and the sunshade... Until next year.

Welcoming festival season with open arms!

With the summer months almost upon us, there is one thought on every festival goers mind. The wellies are cleaned, the tent patched up, and dry shampoo is in the bag.

Me at muddy Glastonbury 2011

Only one problem poses...

In the past there was only one major music festival to grace these isles. Now 43 years on, still just as great if not better than the first ever Glastonbury Festival in 1970, punters are spoilt for choice with hundreds of music festivals of varying styles and sizes popping up all over the country.

Contributing over £800 million to the British economy, statistics show that 357,000 international music fans flock to the UK every year to be part of world renowned festivals: a statistic that, arguably, as a country we should be extremely proud of.

From mainstream to punk rock and techno, there is a festival out there catered to everyone's taste... if staying in a tent isn't your idea of a fun weekend away, many festivals now offer a 'glamping' service in boutique tipis complete with private running water, toilets and showers. A luxury which will set you back £3,000 , however.

Unrecognizable from the first festivals in the 70's, Glastonbury has almost quadrupled in both size and profit with a turnover of £22.5 million last year- no wonder Michael Eavis is always smiling!

Make of it what you will, there still lies the underlying fact: these festivals may have jumped  on the corporate band wagon, but they all share one thing: the love and celebration of music which brings may of us from so many different walks of life, together